a hole of feelings

never felt this way before. have you ever felt that no one there standing next to you? not even your own family.. they're having their own problems now. i am living alone up here, but where are they? they seems forget about me. what happened? what have i done? am i done something wrong..? in the crowded places, i still felt that way. emptiness and lonesome. what should i do? i don't know whose i should call late at night, or just this afternoon.. usually i'll call my mom or my sister. but they doesn't show some interest in my life story anymore. my dad? well. just don't talk about him. he doesn't even know what semester i'm having now. with no one beside me, i understand. i understand deeply, why someone decided to hang themselves in the bathroom. hm, i won't do that, to be exact. it's to crazy. i'm still having lots of plan in my head, waiting to be revealed. the one thing, that i've been thinking, what am i going to do now? what's the thing that i really wanted, like really wanted. i want to cook, spaghetti maybe.. for myself of course. my friend-norma, already shopped for that. so this afternoon, she'll drop it in my flat. flat? haha short of like that. thanks for her.. back to the topic of emptiness and lonesome.. why God ever created those feelings? that made the one who has it, feeling terribly down. i couldn't even cry these past view times.. i insist to cry last night, with korean movies.. hahahaha it created a smile, tears and laugh at the same time. so wonderful!! but after the movies ended.. those feeling came back. with the same or even worse situation.. then, i was just listening to some classical music, and imagining something beyond my thoughts.. i forgot it anyway. hehe hm. i should get going now.. getting uncomfortable, i haven't take a bath. hehe so, thanks for listening to my story.. i'm not used to be some complainer.. but, i'm complaining right now. can i do that? just in here.. let it be our little secret, ok? God bless..