countdown : 4..3..2..1..

i'll be flying high in the sky, in four days..
it'll take a long way through the oceans too..
to some place that i've never been seen before..
hm. i'll tell you one day about it..
so, now sit back, relax..
and let count it down.
:)

harder, better, faster, stronger

be a good good daughter, good girl, good friends, good woman, good wife, good mother, good auntie, good grandma. obviously, good at everything that i've done and i'm about to do.
well. it's every human's dream righto.? so do i.
good at everything almost impossible, we're not The Great Jesus, anyway.
but at least, still trying to be our best at everything. yeah. that's damn right.
i'm thinking about my future, what's my plan after graduated from here.
hard to say. but, i want to work for UNHCR.. as one of their volunteers in Africa. maybe joining the MSF is one my dream, just to be the administrator, in fact they need doctors.. but i'm not a doctor or those type of helpers.
i'm just organizers maybe. help them to create hope, life and the future of those who suffer a lot.
God help me.
make this dream come true.
Thank you, God.

a hole of feelings

never felt this way before. have you ever felt that no one there standing next to you? not even your own family.. they're having their own problems now. i am living alone up here, but where are they? they seems forget about me. what happened? what have i done? am i done something wrong..? in the crowded places, i still felt that way. emptiness and lonesome. what should i do? i don't know whose i should call late at night, or just this afternoon.. usually i'll call my mom or my sister. but they doesn't show some interest in my life story anymore. my dad? well. just don't talk about him. he doesn't even know what semester i'm having now. with no one beside me, i understand. i understand deeply, why someone decided to hang themselves in the bathroom. hm, i won't do that, to be exact. it's to crazy. i'm still having lots of plan in my head, waiting to be revealed. the one thing, that i've been thinking, what am i going to do now? what's the thing that i really wanted, like really wanted. i want to cook, spaghetti maybe.. for myself of course. my friend-norma, already shopped for that. so this afternoon, she'll drop it in my flat. flat? haha short of like that. thanks for her.. back to the topic of emptiness and lonesome.. why God ever created those feelings? that made the one who has it, feeling terribly down. i couldn't even cry these past view times.. i insist to cry last night, with korean movies.. hahahaha it created a smile, tears and laugh at the same time. so wonderful!! but after the movies ended.. those feeling came back. with the same or even worse situation.. then, i was just listening to some classical music, and imagining something beyond my thoughts.. i forgot it anyway. hehe hm. i should get going now.. getting uncomfortable, i haven't take a bath. hehe so, thanks for listening to my story.. i'm not used to be some complainer.. but, i'm complaining right now. can i do that? just in here.. let it be our little secret, ok? God bless..

this is for you K.B

just woke up this late afternoon..
and i've been thinking about you all night.
spend my night meaningless..
why you always standstill?
and i'm began to be the doer?
i want to be real.. like for real.
i'm thinking, what's the reason am i smiling for today?
because of you?
so sorry, darling..
i'm leaving you as the night pass by.
you're the one that made me thinking and waiting.
well. i'm done with you.
i want to make my self happy now..
i'm not searching for someone whose looking for friends to be with..
i'm searching for someone..
i am.
the one that you used to be.
where is he?
i missed him now..
well. enough talking about this piece of sh*t.

i'm walking away now.
thanks for the memory, anyway.